I have been trying not to get overly excited about these findings with Epstein Barr virus. I’m so wary of everything that comes up now because I’m always hoping there will be an ultimate quick fix. My negative mindset assumes that it’ll result in nothing, or at least nothing that will help me in my lifetime.

I’ve always been told things about a correlation between mono and ms since I was diagnosed, but never anything confirmation so I suppose that’s good? But…I’m slightly annoyed that they are talking about a vaccine for prevention, and what about us? I tried to find anything about a cure and some mentioned it, but it seems like a bit of a stretch. What about individuals who have MS but never had mono? I need to do more research. I suppose I should be more positive. I was venting to a friend who also has MS and she is very excited about the news. She said “if a vaccine can prevent my kids from developing MS. Wow!” I hadn’t been thinking outside of myself, and of course I would want to protect Oliver from suffering from this, but that moment I was reminded that I’m stuck with this forever.

Who am I even annoyed at though? Time? My high school boyfriend for gifting me with mono? The medical community for not finding this stuff earlier when there was a blind theory? Then maybe I could have had the vaccine earlier in life?

Neil said there is a difference between prevention & the possibility of stopping disease progression, and there’s reversal of everything I’ve lost. The first is what the research is touching on, the second is an entirely different thing. The second thing is what I am always dreaming of. An impossible miracle cure that will let me wake up totally normal. Is that too much to ask? I just want to run. I want to skip! I realized not too long ago that I can’t skip when I was trying to show Oliver how. It was funny because my legs were so confused on what to do and Oliver was just looking at me as if to say “are you sure that’s how?”

I would appreciate it if the moderna people worked on this quickly like they did with the Covid vaccine. MS needs to threaten to shut the economy down or something, or more famous people need to come out with having it. There has to be more people who are universally adored who can come out of hiding, then the drive for a vaccine will be hastened.