Terrorized Student Driver – I’m a student driver again?

Right now Oliver is in his room dancing to The Beatles. All he wants to do is listen to “the songs at the bottom of my playlist!” At first it was a bunch of kid songs but it grew to be more music that Neil and I like. He’s so funny when he gets into something he refuses to listen to new stuff, so I always forget how the list grows.

Recently he’s been saying that certain things are for “guys” and “not Anna and Elsa because they’re girls.” He was playing trains yesterday and told me “this one is for Kristoff, he’s the driver because he’s a guy.” I asked him if the girls drive and he said “no because they’re girls.” I got all huffy and forgot for second he is 3. I explained to him that who you are doesn’t determine whether you drive or not. It was really strange timing because I had a driving assessment last week using a left foot control, and he’s been in cars with other women drivers recently. I’m putting too much thought into this I know, but I just don’t get where that even came from. Neil and I don’t model a relationship where he is the “man” or “in charge” because…I don’t know that’s not how it works? I don’t drive right now because I need a modification. I drove everywhere for the first 2 years of your life Oliver. GOSH.

Driving again was GREAT. I didn’t want to chundy at all! I was happy because I had assumed my right leg would try to take over and unintentionally mess everything up. “PARDON ME LEFT LEG, BUT THIS IS MY JOB!” It didn’t though! Yay. I was also concerned about mixing up the pedals, but I only did it once for a second and immediately corrected myself. High five brain 🙌🏻

It was 2 hours and I hadn’t expected to be wiped for the rest of the day, but surprise! I guess not doing it for 2 years and learning with a different foot is a lot for my brain. For the first hour of the drive the car was lurching like the first time I had ever driven. My left foot moved like a big excited puppy, not realizing how much power it had, lacking practice making smooth movements, and eager to get going. But I got it. My left side is always there to help out so I’m not surprised. I want to do some busier roads with more traffic, go downtown, practice a drive to physio, and just drive confidently like I did before.

My second drive was this morning. I told Oliver I was feeling nervous about it and he said “it’ll be ok because the engine won’t be really loud. Grandma said you were going to do great.” This was actually really sweet because I know he doesn’t like loud noises at all. Neil told me on the weekend they had gone into Red’s Diner to wait for a table (Oliver likes Red’s when we order it for brunch at home), but he wanted to leave immediately because it was too loud.

The drive went well; 2 hours went by quickly. I drove downtown, roads with high speeds, and we drove in communities I’ve never been to with weird maze-like roads. My foot didn’t get confused between pedals at all, and without thinking instinctively used my left foot.

I’m tired but not nearly as tired as last week! I wonder if I hyped my body up for the first drive. I tired myself out because I was so excited. Hopefully the government is happy to let me drive again so I can go places. Maybe it will lighten long list of tasks for Neil, and MAYBE one day I can work again. My bubble might expand a tiny bit.

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