The inevitable shift from being a vessel, to sustaining the life of a newborn, and then a bystander watching my son grow has been the most surreal, fulfilling, and agonizing experience. Being his mother has been the greatest experience of my life. I’ve loved watching him grow, learn, express all of his emotions, and freely be himself. All the while feeling the emotional mess of joy and heartbreak as he grows towards independence.
My idea of what a mother is has really changed due to my MS. I’ve only had to adjust MY expectations because my son didn’t have preconceived ideas. Things I previously coveted like carrying my son, running & being “active” with him, scooping him up if he’s upset; they only look different than what I had imagined. I can snuggle, ride my Alinker, I can get down to console him. I can’t crawl around in soft play & inflatable parks, walk him up big staircases, or jump on trampolines, but I can witness the joy in his eyes when he does.
Being a mum is hard, and adding MS to the mix is like a cruel joke. But despite the lengthy list of negatives, MS has forced me to slow down and notice all of the good in my life. It’s hard, but I try to focus on things I can do instead of being sad about my cold hands & shaky legs. My son will grow up to be compassionate, sensitive, and patient. He already is – as much as a 4 year old can be.